Return-Path: rone@ucs.usc.edu Return-Path: Received: from skat.usc.edu by cs.brown.edu (5.64+/Doorknob-1.6) id AA13277; Sun, 17 Jan 93 06:43:36 -0500 Received: from gomeisa.usc.edu by skat.usc.edu (4.1/SMI-4.1+ucs-3.4) id AA18354; Sun, 17 Jan 93 03:43:26 PST Received: by gomeisa.usc.edu (4.1/SMI-4.1+ucs-3.4) id AA02328; Sun, 17 Jan 93 03:43:22 PST From: rone@ucs.usc.edu (Ron Echeverri) Message-Id: <9301171143.AA02328@gomeisa.usc.edu> Subject: Hepisms... To: jgm@cs.brown.edu Date: Sun, 17 Jan 93 3:43:18 PST X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.3 PL11] There we go. Found the bloody file. 5150 ========= >From chaph.usc.edu!usc!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!ames!agate!ucbvax!noarlw.UUCP!dolan Mon Aug 3 22:42:01 PDT 1992 A request from Larry Huntley set me doing this when I should have been home comforting the wife. By the time I got done, I realized that this is t.b as it should be. Concise, sometimes witty, but more important, to the point. Enjoy, in reprise. I tossed and edited the worst drivel out. Your candidate for t.b moderator, act II. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep in the Land of the Dead D: 14 May 92 13:24:21 GMT A spirit notices him. "I'm Rictus Hep," he says, "but you can call me Ric." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep at the Supermarket D: 14 May 92 14:26:12 GMT "Hand me the cheese, will you?" "Which?" "The sharp norwegian jack head." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Goes Bowling D: 14 May 92 14:26:48 GMT He develops a scoring system which awards points for situational angst. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep On Cars D: 14 May 92 13:27:25 GMT "When I need to get somewhere fast, I just don't notice pedestrians. Sorry." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep On Broadway D: 14 May 92 13:27:57 GMT He is a master Ninja. He performs a wonderful nunchaka and tap dance routine. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep On Love, Part One D: 14 May 92 14:28:18 GMT "Wow." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep On Love, Part Two D: 14 May 92 14:28:38 GMT "Fuck." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep On Love, Part Three D: 14 May 92 14:29:03 GMT "Shit." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Avoids a Difficulty D: 14 May 92 13:29:35 GMT "Look, I just don't have the cash right now. Want my mother's skeleton?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Says Goodbye D: 14 May 92 14:30:16 GMT "I really don't give a shit. Just don't expect me to show up at your funeral." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Encounters the Girl from Channel Five D: 14 May 92 14:31:23 GMT "If you keep rubbing your fingers raw on the walls, you'll ruin your nails." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep as Iago D: 14 May 92 14:31:54 GMT "Check out Cassio's laundry sometime. Recognize these crotchless panties?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep in the Land of the Living D: 14 May 92 14:32:20 GMT "Mr. Hep? Phone call on line two." "Thanks, I'll take it on my yacht." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: RH Comics Presents: The Adventures of Rictus Hep [Issue 2] D: 4 Jun 92 05:54:26 GMT Rictus Hep and his arch-nemesis collide, creating Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: RH Comics Presents: The Adventures of Rictus Hep [Crossover Issue] D: 4 Jun 92 05:54:46 GMT Rictus goes to Utah to join the Mormons, but forgets to iron his shirt. Meanwhile, Edna has selected a shaving cream and is pondering her next move. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: RHTV Presents: The Adventures of Rictus Hep [2-Hour Pilot Episode] D: 4 Jun 92 05:55:25 GMT Remember Rictus Hep? You bought all the comic books now buy the action figures. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep, The Next Generation [Season One] D: 4 Jun 92 05:56:39 GMT The whole season consists of Rictus Jr on trial for vomiting onto his sister. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep, The Next Generation [Season Two] D: 4 Jun 92 05:56:59 GMT Rictus Jr, serving a 12-year sentence, makes many small incisions on his arms. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep: The Motion Picture D: 4 Jun 92 05:57:30 GMT Rictus and Rictus Jr, reunited, accidentally drive off a cliff and die. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep II: Rictus Delictus D: 4 Jun 92 05:57:47 GMT The corpses of the Hep family are exhumed and put on display. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep IV: The Making of Rictus Hep II D: 4 Jun 92 05:59:10 GMT "How'd you get the corpses to look so realistic?" "It's all in the wrist." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep III: The Final Indignity D: 4 Jun 92 05:58:54 GMT No one really remembers Rictus except for his ninth-grade schoolteacher. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: RH Comics Presents: The Adventures of Rictus Hep [Issue 1] D: 4 Jun 92 02:54:01 GMT Meet Rictus Hep--very small (5'2), not fat (28" waist) but very dense (300 lb). --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: RHTV Presents: The Adventures of Rictus Hep [Season Two] D: 4 Jun 92 05:56:04 GMT Nobody sees Rictus at all except when he appears in the 3rd episode and shaves. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: RHTV Presents: The Adventures of Rictus Hep [Season One] D: 4 Jun 92 02:55:43 GMT Marriage, children, large but concealed breasts, divorce, popcorn, burnt flesh. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: RHTV Presents: The Adventures of Rictus Hep [Final Season] D: 4 Jun 92 02:56:22 GMT Having made a fortune in Public Image Processing, Ric retires to Greenland. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: RH Comics Presents: The Adventures of Rictus Hep [Special Annual] D: 4 Jun 92 02:55:03 GMT A rock in Arizona erodes; in 30,000 years it will look vaguely like Rictus. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Big Lie D: 4 Jun 92 06:07:22 GMT "Actually," he confides to gossipist Liz Smith, "it was done with mirrors." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Celebrity Interviews: The Stranger D: 7 Jun 92 16:50:53 GMT "Maman died today." "Yeah? Is she still fresh?" "Perhaps it was yesterday." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Little Orphan Rictus D: 7 Jun 92 16:52:24 GMT He has perfect vision, except that he can't see eyeballs--his or anyone else's. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Lifestyles of Rictus Hep D: 7 Jun 92 16:54:37 GMT Camp counselor; stockbroker; offensive lineman; hairstylist; nouveau riche. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Is Confused D: 7 Jun 92 16:55:28 GMT "I don't understand. This speck of dust was three feet to the left yesterday." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Celebrity Interviews: Lucy Van Pelt D: 7 Jun 92 16:56:30 GMT "Fuck you." "Fuck you too." "No, fuck you." "No, I insist: fuck you." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Fall From Grace D: 7 Jun 92 16:58:38 GMT "I'd like to drive a truck through the Gates sometime to see if they shatter." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Is Funky D: 7 Jun 92 16:59:18 GMT For those who doubt it, he bangs out improvisations of old Grace Jones tunes. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep on the Front Lines D: 7 Jun 92 17:00:12 GMT He relaxes, smoking a cigarette, as the enemy fires. "Maybe I'm invulnerable." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep For President D: 7 Jun 92 17:00:50 GMT "Vote for me. I'm ugly." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep, Billie Jean King, and Gertrude Stein at Tea D: 7 Jun 92 17:02:42 GMT "Service!" "Service!" "To serve a service, a serve is to be served ice." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Mysterious Itch D: 7 Jun 92 17:04:13 GMT "A little lower...lower...now inward three inches...use the knife...and twist." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Why Rictus Hep Will Never Play Footsie With A Woman D: 7 Jun 92 17:06:25 GMT "Feet disgust me. I would've cut mine off, except that I like kicking things." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Tears for Rictus Hep D: 7 Jun 92 17:07:18 GMT A woman mistakes him for Jesus Christ and weeps on his ketchup stains. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Tribute to a Great Artist D: 7 Jun 92 17:09:58 GMT He makes batik versions of late Rothko paintings and donates them to museums. --- F: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ([*] Not a Duck But a Clam) S: RICTUS HEP is rescued from a burning bed D: 8 Jun 92 19:27:41 GMT ``You should never smoke in bed, Mr. Hep,'' say the firemen. ``It is extremely dangerous.'' Rictus Hep glares at them. ``It was already on fire when I lay down.'' --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Underestimates a Potential Enemy D: 21 Jun 92 01:20:25 GMT "I could bowl him over with two brains tied behind my back." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Roadside Fruit Drink Stand D: 21 Jun 92 01:24:25 GMT Thirsty drivers are dismayed to find that he only serves gays. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep is Reckless D: 21 Jun 92 01:25:20 GMT He bets all the cash in his pocket on an injured horse. "You never know." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Maladies D: 21 Jun 92 01:28:09 GMT He has a disturbing lump on one of his fingernails; it may ultimately be fatal. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Tells a Joke D: 21 Jun 92 01:28:42 GMT "I was walking down the street, when suddenly, out of nowhere--jism!" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Souvenirs D: 21 Jun 92 01:32:47 GMT He sells empty bags at $5 each, claiming they contain his shed epidermal cells. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Graciously Accepts a Gift D: 21 Jun 92 01:34:56 GMT "Yeah thanks, I always wanted an incredibly lame plastic replica of an armpit." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Goes Native D: 21 Jun 92 01:38:37 GMT "Awaru bundalu g'dikgbo, ngah ngah ngah. Awaru bundalu, ngah ngah ngah!" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Poor Grandmother D: 21 Jun 92 01:44:37 GMT "She still owes me money, but I haven't asked her for any since she shot me." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Attempts to Juxtapose Unrelated Concepts D: 21 Jun 92 01:46:31 GMT "Okay, let's market a furry, high-bandwidth, disco-oriented pie crust." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Doesn't Like Ketchup D: 21 Jun 92 00:48:45 GMT He blows up fast food joints that mess up his orders more than three times. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Celebrity Interviews: Don Rickles D: 21 Jun 92 00:53:00 GMT "So, how's it feel to be an old obnoxious bald guy?" "More, more, I'm coming!" --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep and Maynard play backgammon D: 22 Jun 92 17:14:17 GMT "Care to double?" "Sure." "64 it is." --- F: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Dame Fortune's kept man") S: You're a Good Man, Rictus Hep D: 24 Jun 92 02:07:08 GMT ``My stomach hurts.'' --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Favorite Color D: 24 Jun 92 21:27:09 GMT Day-Glo anything. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Exerts Political Pressure D: 24 Jun 92 21:29:46 GMT "I'm warning you. I'll start leaving nose-hairs on all your campagin posters." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Gets a Wrong Number D: 24 Jun 92 21:32:36 GMT "Hey slut I've got what you want for a price--Huh? Isn't this the White House?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: The Philosophy of Rictus Hep D: 24 Jun 92 21:33:15 GMT "Uncertain--ask again later." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Annoys a Lot of People D: 24 Jun 92 21:33:33 GMT "I know. Ain't life grand?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: The Origin of Rictus Hep D: 24 Jun 92 21:37:32 GMT He was launched in a rocket from Poughkeepsie and crash-landed in Indianapolis. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Come Back to the Five and Dime, Rictus Hep, Rictus Hep D: 24 Jun 92 21:38:51 GMT He is incredibly embarrassed by the fact that he is afraid of motorcycles. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep, Private Eye D: 24 Jun 92 21:42:43 GMT "I put on my trenchcoat & hat. I looked so good, I stared at myself for hours." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Speech Impediment D: 24 Jun 92 20:43:35 GMT He is unable to say the word "stutter" except while pissing. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Doesn't Get It D: 24 Jun 92 21:45:17 GMT "He handed me a raw liver. Then he started laughing. I don't get it." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep as a Bad Movie D: 26 Jun 92 18:37:07 GMT "I love you so much, I could just decapitate myself!" "Go right ahead." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Free Rictus Hep D: 26 Jun 92 17:38:01 GMT In jail on a trumped up DWI charge, he counts the # of bumps around his glans. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's O'erweening Arrogance D: 26 Jun 92 18:38:42 GMT "I'm really great. Really really great. Okay, where's my paycheck?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: The Incompleat Rictus Hep D: 26 Jun 92 18:39:38 GMT He tries to write an autobiography, but can't remember anything from last week. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep, Trade Negotiator D: 26 Jun 92 18:40:10 GMT "Why don't we just let Japan win, then start producing lots of crowbars?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep M.D. D: 26 Jun 92 17:40:41 GMT "Okay, take off all your clothes...Dammit, doesn't anyone shave their pits?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep, Denture Wearer D: 26 Jun 92 18:42:12 GMT He knocked out all his own teeth early on so he could install small amplifiers. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: A Certain Rictus D: 26 Jun 92 18:42:55 GMT He runs naked down the street screaming, "Maytag! Maytag!" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: A Certain Rictus D: 26 Jun 92 18:42:55 GMT He runs naked down the street screaming, "Maytag! Maytag!" --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep unsuccessfully attempts to buy hard salami D: 27 Jun 92 21:12:59 GMT "Next." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: A man, a plan, a canal--Rictus D: 28 Jun 92 02:00:11 GMT "I'm being bitten to death." --- F: sho@gibbs.physics.purdue.edu (Sho Kuwamoto) S: record review D: 28 Jun 92 21:42:29 GMT Go Jump in a Goddamn Volcano The Cave Newts Warner Bros. What can I say? The alternative has become mainstream, and the majors are ready to capitalize. From the amount of promotion this record has gotten, it seems that Warner is counting on the Cave Newts to become the next Nirvana, and with good reason. From the opening bars of _Shark Cheese_, the lead track, the energy and creativity of this band shine through. The sound is reminiscent of the Buzzcocks crossed with De La Soul crossed with runaway jackhammers (not a band). The reason I'm having so much trouble describing the sound of the band is that their style changes drastically from track to track. On _The Trilobite Conspiracy_, their sound is controlled, dark, and mechanical, while on _President Bongo_, their style becomes giddy, self-parodying, and downright infectious. _Catamite_ is pure guitar rock bordering on thrash, while _Roger Rabbit_ is an electronic samplefest featuring movie quotes and sounds of torture. In order to deal with such diverse styles, three producers were recruited to work on this album, listed on the liner notes only by the psuedonyms Personality X, Personality Y, and (you guessed it) Personality Z. Such tactics usually lead to disjointed records, but this album somehow works as a cohesive whole, due in no small part to the unique voice of the lead singer, Rictus Hep. Although this record does have its flaws (the song _BIFF_ comes off sounding moronic), I find it to be one of the most creative albums of the year, and certainly the best album by a new artist. Sure, it's on a major label, but when you have the chance to jump into a volcano this entertaining, I suggest you jump. >From the July issue of _X_ Magazine, with permission from X Industries. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep gets his colors done D: 29 Jun 92 20:10:00 GMT "I'm an autumn!" --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep cuts his lip D: 29 Jun 92 23:58:56 GMT He begins to think maybe that broken glass sandwich was not a good idea. ljd --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep denounces the evil Gang of Four D: 30 Jun 92 00:10:16 GMT "Doubtless the true heroes of Chairman Mao's doctrine of continuing revolution will not be hoodwinked by the counterrevolutionary propaganda and evil lies issuing forth from the viper's nest of the Gang of Four and their imperialist running dog mouthpieces. All hail the great Chairman Mao! Renounce the false values promoted by the foul Jiang Qing and her fellow enemies of the path to true socialism! Stand fast against the forces of world imperialism, and redouble your efforts to rid our society of cosmopolite leeches and the pernicious anti-proletarian whisperings of the intelligentsia! Only in the footsteps of the Great Leader will we march towards the red dawn!" --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep at the Gates of Hell D: 30 Jun 92 00:26:56 GMT They're chained shut and padlocked. The guard shack is empty. --- F: Morrisa_Sherman@autodesk.com S: Why Rictus Hep was unsuccessful buying hard salami: prequel D: 29 Jun 92 20:01:00 GMT A hard Salome and some John the Baptist Head Cheese on the side, please. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep at the Hanging Gardens of Babylon D: 30 Jun 92 02:43:17 GMT "One 'z' or two?" --- F: middle@cse.uta.edu (William J Middleton) S: Rictus Hep does Blair's disk block D: 30 Jun 92 04:54:40 GMT ouch! --- F: benth@microsoft.com (Ben) S: Rictus Hep: Five minutes before the Holocaust D: 30 Jun 92 16:30:21 GMT "Now where'd I leave my keys?" --- F: jarobichaux@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu (That one girl) S: Rictus Hep, come on down! D: 30 Jun 92 16:53:46 GMT "But I don't _want_ a pair of tandem bicycles!" --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep Visits His Mom D: 1 Jul 92 00:20:19 GMT "Hi, Mom. When's dinner? I'm starved." --- F: dschmidt@athena.mit.edu (Dan Schmidt) S: You're a good man, Rictus Hep D: 1 Jul 92 02:33:08 GMT He plans a surprise birthday party for himself but forgets to show up. --- F: jon@zeus.med.utah.edu (Jonathan Byrd) S: Rictus Hep, Philosopher D: 1 Jul 92 14:06:12 GMT "Two what? Birds, or hands?" --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep loses on Jeopardy! D: 1 Jul 92 15:38:47 GMT The music flusters him and he phrases Final Jeopardy in the form of a proclamation. --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep Faces His Worst Nightmare D: 1 Jul 92 23:54:39 GMT "Mommmmmmm! Do we HAVE to have CAULIflower for DINNER?" --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep Turns Over In His Grave D: 2 Jul 92 02:47:15 GMT Too bad he wasn't dead when they buried him. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep -- anagrams D: 6 Jul 92 15:11:56 GMT "Ummm...ummm...shit. I'm never any good at party games." --- F: alchemy@cs1.bradley.edu (Mike Swiston) S: Rictus Hep states his case D: 7 Jul 92 15:42:19 GMT "Millions of mothers are often wrong." --- F: boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell) S: Rictus Hep, bon vivant D: 7 Jul 92 17:56:59 GMT Originator: boutell@athena "You want fries with that?" --- F: mborgerding@desire.wright.edu S: Rictus Hep-answer D: 7 Jul 92 20:02:23 GMT osa@kepler.unh.edu (Olga Schnitzius-Alamonde) writes: > Who the hell is Rictus Hep? Rictus Hep came down from the mountains where the Jubi Elves play. He came down to the valley. Yes, all the way. When he got there he thought,"this is cool, I will stay" So stay he did, and play he did All day long, he seeked and hid Along with the little neighborhood kids. Then we found out that Rictus Was a perverted sick pedophile and he tricked us. So we crept in his house, quiet as a mouse, and in his bed, put a Boa constrictus. -Mark Borgerding --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep on his Deathbed D: 8 Jul 92 03:57:35 GMT "This time for sure!" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: The Only Time Rictus Hep Has Ever Discussed Ontology D: 8 Jul 92 04:00:38 GMT He asks her opinion on his piercing. "Well? Half-gruesome or half-fetching?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Homo Rictus D: 8 Jul 92 05:01:50 GMT "So it turned out she was my daughter. Big deal. Sue me." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Intermission mclii D: 8 Jul 92 05:03:21 GMT In case you were wondering I am not Rictus Hep but Rictus Hep may be me. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: The Head of Rictus Hep D: 8 Jul 92 04:05:06 GMT It is shaped like a small lampshade, with dreadlocks for fringes. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep on Letterman D: 8 Jul 92 04:05:35 GMT He climbs under David's desk and stays there through the entire interview. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Who Rictus Hep Has Never Had a Crush On D: 8 Jul 92 04:06:59 GMT Sam Walgreen; Brigitte Nielsen; Jimmy Carter; Ted Turner; Peggy Fleming; Cher. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: A Day in the Life of Rictus Hep D: 8 Jul 92 05:08:17 GMT He sits completely motionless for 24 hours watching a "Columbo" marathon. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: The End of a Day in the Life of Rictus Hep D: 8 Jul 92 04:09:14 GMT He calls up his sister: "Oh, yeah, by the way, just one more thing--jism?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: The Fundamental, Universal Interconnectedness of Rictus Hep D: 8 Jul 92 05:10:27 GMT He is enmeshed in webs of events beyond his control but Calgon takes him away. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep on CompuServe D: 8 Jul 92 04:12:45 GMT As his handle he chooses "JerryVale" and responds to all chatting with lyrics. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep in Space D: 8 Jul 92 05:13:18 GMT "Oh boy! All the Tang I could ever want!" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Accept Rictus Hep into Your Life D: 8 Jul 92 04:16:05 GMT Buy the oversize stuffed embossed embroidered plastic keyring lunchbox decoder. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep's shameful lacuna D: 8 Jul 92 01:17:54 GMT He bemoans the fact that there is no decent synonym for "brillig". --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep's special problem D: 8 Jul 92 01:16:31 GMT He confuses SASE with ASAP and takes his sweet old time. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Animal Magnetism D: 8 Jul 92 04:17:01 GMT He had a method perfected but it was too strong; the front door is now a mess. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Is Rictus Hep Fiber-Friendly? D: 8 Jul 92 04:18:33 GMT "I don't know. Is Charlton Heston gay-positive?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Fan Mail for Rictus Hep D: 8 Jul 92 04:19:01 GMT "Dear Rictus: Eat me. Yours truly, Divine." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Farts in a Crowded Elevator D: 8 Jul 92 04:19:49 GMT "It just seemed like the most infantile thing to do at the time." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep, Raconteur D: 8 Jul 92 04:20:47 GMT "So first he goes to the--or wait, maybe he--no--um--and then--jism!" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Vows Never to Use the Word "Jism" Again D: 8 Jul 92 04:22:27 GMT "But I won't rule out `sperm', `semen', `come', `wad', or just plain `fizz.'" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Brings the Mountain to Mohammed D: 8 Jul 92 04:24:21 GMT "God it was a bitch getting this here. Couldn't we have done it the other way?" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Perversion D: 8 Jul 92 05:26:56 GMT He only enjoys sex when he knows there are exotic kitchen utensils in the room. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep: Epitaph D: 8 Jul 92 05:28:30 GMT "He had class. Style. Flash. Jazz. And a little thing to scale fish with." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Goes Very Slightly Haywire D: 8 Jul 92 04:30:56 GMT He takes white cheeses and cuts holes in them, making them all look like Swiss. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep sells his soul to the devil D: 8 Jul 92 17:01:20 GMT >From that day on, he always has the perfect amount of beverage to go along with his meal. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep is granted an audience with the queen D: 8 Jul 92 17:02:51 GMT "Satin. Lots." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep embarrasses Jay North at Six Flags D: 8 Jul 92 17:04:50 GMT "Look!! It's Dennis Mitchell!!" --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep: Ear to the Ground D: 8 Jul 92 17:06:00 GMT "They're on their way all right." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep's Spectral Discovery D: 8 Jul 92 17:08:17 GMT "You don't hear much about indigo." --- F: boutell@cshl.org (Tom Boutell) S: TB: MORE SHAKESPEARE D: 8 Jul 92 18:04:22 GMT richh@netcom.com (richh) writes: >"King Lear, or I Fucked Up, So Sue Me" >RICHH "The Merchant of Venice, or You Wouldn't Believe what A Pound of Meat Goes For These Days" "The Taming of the Shrew, or Something For Later Directors to Fruitlessly Try To Find Feminist Themes In, or The Sun Also Rises (At Night)" "Midsummer Night's Dream, or Let's Sneak Out in the Woods and Fuck" "The Tempest, or Guy with a Stick" And the great performance of the evening: "Julius Caesar, or Rictus Hep" --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (AjD) S: Rictus hep buys a car D: 8 Jul 92 20:34:37 GMT He keeps his change in the ash tray, but then decides to take up smoking. --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (AjD) S: Rictus hep the titan D: 8 Jul 92 20:37:11 GMT He eats his children, but spits them out. "Undercooked," he says. --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (AjD) S: Rictus hep on thursdays D: 8 Jul 92 20:39:24 GMT He wears green, just to provoke. --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (AjD) S: Rictus hep the scrivener D: 8 Jul 92 20:40:52 GMT "I don't wanna." --- F: kimy@hatteras.cs.unc.edu (Yong-Mi Kim) S: Re: New Subject Line D: 9 Jul 92 02:07:06 GMT buzzard@eng.umd.edu (Sean Barrett) writes: >While the "short shameful confession" line will always >have better sales than any individual Rictus Hep line, >studies of this suggest that the name "Rictus Hep" has >a higher name recognition factor, and that it will far >outsell the short 'n shameful line when all variations >are considered. I would like to point out that significant differences exist in the demographics of the Rictus Hep line and the "short shameful confession" line, and that the products occupy distinct niches in the market. Advertisers especially should take note of this fact. The Rictus Hep line attracts a more sophisticated clientele that appreciates its wildcard factor. The "ssc" line is geared more towards the masses. Studies show that a percentage of consumers of "ssc" will upgrade to the Rictus Hep line, and most Rictus Hep consumers are already aware of products offered by our company and our competitors. Thus, Rictus Hep can achieve high profitability by offering individualized products to knowledgeable consumers. "ssc" achieves its profitability from high volume mass production at a low cost to the manufacturer. Thus, for example, services such as Volcano Bungee-Jumping should target the knowledgeable consumers of the Rictus Hep line, while the Catamite Corps would be well-advised to target the wider audience of "ssc" consumers. So far the "one line bio" line has not had widespread acceptance in discount outlets, but has done quite well in the better department stores and boutiques. This product seems to be in more direct competition with the Rictus Hep line than with other products. We are hoping to diversify into foreign markets, and currently under development for the South American market, especially Brazil, is a line of products featuring the popular star Xuxa. yong-mi temas, SA --- F: matmcinn@nuscc.nus.sg (Mcinnes B T (Dr)) S: Rictus Hep, Cabalist D: 9 Jul 92 04:26:10 GMT He observes that HEP stands for Hierosolymos Est Perdita....Jerusalem is Lost. --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep: one line bio D: 9 Jul 92 07:30:19 GMT "I'm two hundred and twenty pounds of tattooed trouble!" --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep Refuses To Die D: 9 Jul 92 07:32:39 GMT "Fuck that shit. Pabst Blue Ribbon!" --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep Picks Up Women D: 9 Jul 92 07:43:38 GMT .... but he puts them down again when they get too heavy. ljd recycling the classics --- F: drseuss@gorn.echo.com (David Bedno) S: one line bio: Rictus Hep D: 9 Jul 92 08:58:00 GMT "In a future life I WILL be President Bongo." --- F: bur@ultisol.gsfc.nasa.gov (MAC) S: Rictus Hep is the kind of guy who... D: 9 Jul 92 16:18:22 GMT If he could suck his own dick, would pull it out at the last second and cum all over his face. --- F: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra) S: Rictus Hep can come sitting in a chair with his hands on his head D: 9 Jul 92 17:06:26 GMT "But I have to wag my knees in and out." --- F: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra) S: Rictus Hep posts to talk.bizarre D: 9 Jul 92 17:06:49 GMT "I never could write, but hey, I hear posting diarrheic shit's cool now." --- F: sabbott@nmsu.edu (SDA) S: Rictus Hep in love D: 9 Jul 92 21:10:20 GMT She was a pantheist. He was a devout vulvist. --- F: bur@ultisol.gsfc.nasa.gov (MAC) S: Rictus Hep stretches his dollar D: 9 Jul 92 22:09:18 GMT By not putting ice in his Big Gulps at 7-11. --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) S: Rictus Hep Stumbles Over the Truth D: 9 Jul 92 16:02:21 GMT .... but picks himself up and hurries along as if nothing had happened. --- F: vail@tegra.COM (Johnathan Vail) S: HEY RICTUS! WHERE YOU GOING WITH THAT NUCLEAR WEAPON IN YOUR HAND? D: 9 Jul 92 14:13:09 GMT "I'm gonna to nuke my old lady, I caught her messin' 'round with another man." --- F: vail@tegra.COM (Johnathan Vail) S: RICTUS HEP ONE LINE BIO D: 9 Jul 92 14:14:09 GMT "It's scrotum capacity" --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) S: Rictus Hep goes to the movies. D: 9 Jul 92 22:38:10 GMT He is disappointed with THX sound. --- F: gse9k@holmes.acc.Virginia.EDU (Scott Evans) S: Rictus Hep dances D: 9 Jul 92 23:14:20 GMT No, he doesn't, dammit, he hates to dance. --- F: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman) S: Rictus Hep confronts his Inner Child D: 10 Jul 92 02:20:52 GMT and sodomises it endlessly --- F: lyodav@iastate.edu (David A Lyon) S: Rictus Hep: Fuck you all D: 10 Jul 92 04:50:41 GMT Fuck you all. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep's pipe dream D: 10 Jul 92 18:02:32 GMT He tries, singlehandedly, to renew the popularity of the word "fain". --- F: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) S: Rictus Hep Gets Overdone D: 10 Jul 92 20:00:18 GMT "But doesnt evrything on talk.bizarre get overdone?" - -rob, resisting the temptation to add 'in bed' or something equivalent to the end of the message. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep's constant craving D: 10 Jul 92 20:02:10 GMT "Close the door!" --- F: boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell) S: Rictus Hep codes too much D: 10 Jul 92 20:23:29 GMT "Rictus, honey, you've got to stop saying 'PUSH' and 'POP' when you digress." --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (AjD) S: Rictus hep's one line bio D: 10 Jul 92 14:51:17 GMT Born, suffered, long-term coma. --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) S: Biblical references to Rictus Hep. D: 10 Jul 92 15:57:30 GMT Rictus wept. --- F: harpo@acca.nmsu.edu (richh) S: Rictus Hep confuses sex and violence D: 10 Jul 92 22:57:40 GMT He closes his eyes and thinks of Robert Englund. --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (AjD) S: Rictus hep goes to the movies I D: 11 Jul 92 05:49:14 GMT He requests melted butter on his gummi bears, and complains when he gets the flavorless yellow oil stuff instead. --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (AjD) S: Rictus hep goes to the movies II D: 11 Jul 92 05:51:48 GMT He yells, "meat is murder!" as loud as he can during lupo the butcher. --- F: fitch@lightning.cs.odu.edu (Master THEspian) S: Re: Just Curious Keywords: Flame D: 11 Jul 92 17:37:23 GMT Xref: netnews.upenn.edu alt.flame:53827 misc.test:23483 talk.bizarre:111232 ps: I think Rictus Hep is secretly Kibo. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep's bold suggestion D: 11 Jul 92 20:56:32 GMT "String art." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep--baker man D: 11 Jul 92 20:57:26 GMT Truth is, he just loves to sift. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep breaks a social norm D: 11 Jul 92 20:59:33 GMT He presses every button on the elevator, then leaves with his head held high. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep is taken aback D: 11 Jul 92 21:12:02 GMT "Corduroy?" --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep on The Dating Game D: 11 Jul 92 21:13:28 GMT "Number two. No, I gotta go." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep bids $10000 for Andy Warhol's toothbrush D: 11 Jul 92 21:11:03 GMT "My elbow itched. Honest." --- F: thomasc@lobachevskii.geom.umn.edu (Thomas Colthurst) S: Rictus Hep meets BIFF D: 12 Jul 92 02:22:56 GMT "YOU'RE RIGHT, CAPS LOCK IS A LOT OF FUN!" --- F: middle@cse.uta.edu (William J Middleton) S: Rictus Hep plugs his nose D: 12 Jul 92 02:57:07 GMT "man, i gotta to wash those dishes soon." --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano) S: Rictus hep was Re: Just Curious D: 12 Jul 92 05:55:53 GMT fitch@lightning.cs.odu.edu (Master THEspian) writes: >ps: I think Rictus Hep is secretly Kibo. Rictus hep is actually nj. Or vice versa. The rest of us make rictus hep postings to remind him of what happened while he wasn't paying attention. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep is caught! D: 12 Jul 92 16:34:03 GMT "...you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Mandy..." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep after seeing "Love and Death" D: 12 Jul 92 19:21:53 GMT "Wheat." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep invents a contraction D: 10 Jul 92 19:43:47 GMT "Stan't"--it means "I should but I can't." --- F: boutell@cshl.org (Tom Boutell) S: Re: WHO OR WHAT THE HELL IS RICTUS HEP? D: 12 Jul 92 23:52:35 GMT IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU writes: >Could someone please explain, so that I could make >fun of him (it?) too!!! Rictus Hep is your father. I killed him. Prepare to die. --- F: fmayhar@devnull.mpd.tandem.com (Frank Mayhar) S: Rictus Hep laments his fate. D: 12 Jul 92 23:12:13 GMT "I'm so happy." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep insures that the odds are decidedly in his favor D: 13 Jul 92 00:47:43 GMT He plays 52 pick-up with a stacked deck. --- F: finerty@msscc.med.utah.edu (THAT'S_MR._WONDERFUL_TO_YOU) S: Rictus Hep on life D: 13 Jul 92 03:13:34 GMT Every day in every way i try to make things worse for others and myself. --- F: swann@acsu.buffalo.edu (Stephen Swann) S: Rictus Hep feels like an also-ran D: 13 Jul 92 03:25:39 GMT If only every day were like this. --- F: vail@tegra.COM (Johnathan Vail) S: RICTUS HEP KILLED MY DOG (A True Story) D: 13 Jul 92 18:54:16 GMT Last week while squishing Gypsy moth caterpillars with my Candy Red EX-500 in the morning on the way to work I contemplated a new Rictus Hep posting on the subject of fidocide. This posting was suggested to me by the howling of my housemate's dog as well as the next door neighbor's Husky during the preceding night. My Rictus post was to include the juxtaposition of an allusion to a certain Mark Twain story with a reference to Korean cuisine. If I was not rudely interrupted by the demands of my work with a new SCSI based laser imager I might have made a posting that looked like this: Subject: RICTUS HEP CONTEMPLATES FIDOCIDE "...I'd send my half in the back door of a Korean Restaurant." However, Saturday morning we find the dog unable to move, knocking on Death's door with it's rear half literally being consumed by maggots. The vet delivered the coup de grace with a needle and the little dog is now pushing up the daisies in the back yard. jv <- "coincidence or tribal memory?" --- F: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Samuel Beckett's Inspiration") S: Re: Rictus Hep bids $10000 for Andy Warhol's toothbrush D: 13 Jul 92 20:59:39 GMT richh@netcom.com (richh) writes: > "My elbow itched. Honest." Yeah, but it's not the way you think it is. See, he was at the autction, and his elbow itched, and there, at the declaiming stand, was the best of all possible elbow-scratching utensils.... --- F: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] The Count of Connotation") S: Kipling D: 14 Jul 92 10:58:20 GMT `You're a better man than I, Rictus Hep.' --- F: jim@aslmr.med.ge.com (Mr. Bad Judgment) S: Even more Kipling D: 14 Jul 92 15:19:46 GMT Reply-To: jim@aslmr.med.ge.com `Rictus Hep is only Rictus Hep, but a good cigar is a smoke.' --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep pursues the phantoms of hope D: 14 Jul 92 16:20:17 GMT "Look! *That* way." --- F: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey) S: Rictus Hep weather report D: 14 Jul 92 17:30:13 GMT "It rains whenever I go outside." --- F: benth@microsoft.com (Ben) S: Rictus Hep visits the Petting Zoo D: 14 Jul 92 16:51:59 GMT ....and is terrified by the baby goats. --- F: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra) S: Rictus Hep Visits the Petting Zoo D: 14 Jul 92 19:28:13 GMT and gets a woodie. "But it's a piss hardon. Er, I guess I shouldn't have had all those Cokes." --- F: cj@eno.corp.sgi.com (C J Silverio) S: hep-ness D: 14 Jul 92 20:37:35 GMT Some Rictus Hep posts have the quality of hep-ness, and some do not. I have a method which seems to distinguish the hep posts from the non-hep posts-- I tie knots in the clumps of hair that I rip from my head every time I realize that I have once again forgotten to put Alfvaen in my killfile. But I am not certain this method is foolproof. Can anybody suggest another? --- F: cheating@ccvm.sunysb.edu (Drive Access Error) S: Rictus Hep Stumped D: 14 Jul 92 23:31:15 GMT "Is Pez plural?" --- F: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra) S: Rictus Hep Reaches for Net.Glory D: 15 Jul 92 00:08:03 GMT He cleverly adds ",misc.test" to his followup line, then carefully monitors misc.test to see who responds without noticing so he can expose them for the fools they are and reap fame and fortune for himself. --- F: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) S: Rictus Hep thinks of AjD while trying to remember the lyrics to "Cocaine Blues" D: 15 Jul 92 04:57:06 GMT "... and I can't forget the day I shot that bad finch down." --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) S: Rictus Hep: The blind leading the blind. D: 15 Jul 92 15:04:13 GMT oo oo o. o. o. .o o. o. .o .o o. o. oo .o o. .o oo .. oo o. .. o. oo .. oo .o .. .. .. o. .. o. .. .. o. o. .. o. .. --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) S: Rictus Hep makes a fashion statement. D: 15 Jul 92 15:05:39 GMT Followup-To: talk.bizarre,misc.test,alt.fashion "Do not wear white pumps before Easter or after Labor Day." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Goes Politically Correct D: 15 Jul 92 14:10:57 GMT "Murder is meat." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep, Juvenile Delinquent D: 15 Jul 92 14:11:27 GMT "The first time I picked up that rotting squid it was all over." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Remembers Better Days D: 15 Jul 92 14:12:47 GMT "Life was much more fun back when I was really clumsy with knives." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: The Bedside Rictus Hep D: 15 Jul 92 14:18:07 GMT His grin unnerves patients, keeping them in comas for years. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: The Rictus Hep Blue Plate Special D: 15 Jul 92 14:28:01 GMT Hatchet, rare, smothered in jellybean sauce; side order of earplug in dry ice. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: A Rictus Hep Sampler D: 15 Jul 92 14:31:09 GMT Ninja shit? Call Concealed Gossipist Eyeballs. Insist to be served his glans. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Dreams, Sometimes, of Paris D: 15 Jul 92 14:34:47 GMT For uniformity's sake he'd break the arms off all statues that still have them. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Deserves Better D: 15 Jul 92 14:37:09 GMT He only has thirty-five copies of the July 1978 "Better Homes and Gardens". --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's Freudian Slip D: 15 Jul 92 14:40:40 GMT "Fucking, pissing, shitting, licking, resurfacing--oops, I meant sucking, ..." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep Creates an Advertising Jingle D: 15 Jul 92 14:43:16 GMT _ _ _ "Drano is fun, Drano is neat, Drano is oh-so-tasty to eat!" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep's SO Wants to Bring a Problem Out in the Open D: 15 Jul 92 14:47:40 GMT "Ric, honey, can we talk?" "Not if I seal your lips with krazy glue!" --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep, Queuing Theorist D: 15 Jul 92 14:48:07 GMT He always manages to get into the line that's going fastest. --- F: finerty@msscc.med.utah.edu (THAT'S_MR._WONDERFUL_TO_YOU) S: Rictus Hep on hygiene D: 15 Jul 92 17:35:50 GMT you can never wet your hair (with water, duh) too many times in one day. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Rictus Hep is Really a Woman D: 15 Jul 92 13:50:43 GMT "Fooled you! My voice seems low because I stretched my vocal cords by hand." --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: ASIDE: Rictus vs Gooley D: 15 Jul 92 15:04:21 GMT Gooley's entire life is a series of short shameful confessions. Rictus's entire life is a series of one line bios. .... or maybe they're all short, one-shameful-line confession/bios --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep moves through the dooms of love D: 15 Jul 92 16:16:49 GMT "Splop." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep stares into the abyss D: 15 Jul 92 16:22:37 GMT He learns that Macgyver can't drive stick. --- F: cheating@ccvm.sunysb.edu (cue queue) S: Rictus Hep disproves quantum mechanics D: 15 Jul 92 18:10:19 GMT "Hey, I _like_ cats." --- F: mdm@sparc2.prime.com (Michael D. McAfee) S: Rictus Hep reveals all D: 14 Jul 92 21:59:05 GMT "It's pronounced RIKT-us HEP." --- F: thinman@netcom.com (Technically Sweet) S: Rictus Hep excites teenagers D: 16 Jul 92 05:54:20 GMT Followup-To: sci.med "Burning Love, Burning Love, get a shot for your Burning Love" --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep out of balance D: 16 Jul 92 06:16:32 GMT "Philip Glass?! I'd rather listen to things fall." --- F: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra) S: Rictus Hep Turns Over a New Leaf D: 15 Jul 92 23:53:13 GMT But unfortunately it's stuck together with the old one. --- F: jperry@oahu.cs.ucla.edu (John Perry) S: Rictus Hep HATES ninjas D: 16 Jul 92 00:41:07 GMT Originator: jperry@oahu.cs.ucla.edu They make too damn much noise with their nun-chuks --- F: jra@lawday.DaytonOH.NCR.COM (John R. Ackermann x2966) S: Rictus Hep encounters Caesar D: 15 Jul 92 17:31:45 GMT Reply-To: jra@lawday.DaytonOH.NCR.COM (John R. Ackermann x2966) Et tu, Rictus? --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep botches his resume D: 15 Jul 92 19:41:32 GMT He adds the line "I like horses and people!" --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil S: Biblical references to Rictus Hep II D: 16 Jul 92 15:26:49 GMT "vade retro me, Rictua" --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (AjD) S: Rictus hep receives divine inspiration D: 16 Jul 92 21:18:43 GMT He puts pink flamingos on the front lawn. --- F: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman) S: Re: Rictus Hep encounters Caesar D: 16 Jul 92 20:32:28 GMT John R. Ackermann, Jr. Law Department, NCR Corporation, Dayton, Ohio: Et tu, Rictus? er, "Ricte", in the Vocative, ACTUALLY. haw haw. --- F: cheating@ccvm.sunysb.edu (cue queue) S: Rictus Hep's t.b faux pas D: 16 Jul 92 20:45:49 GMT He thinks Starcap'n Ra are two people. --- F: cheating@ccvm.sunysb.edu (cue queue) S: Rictus Hep finds an idol on t.b Keywords: H760 D: 16 Jul 92 20:49:52 GMT Rictus HHep. --- F: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra) S: Rictus Hep is Himself in Turn Betrayed D: 16 Jul 92 21:19:24 GMT "Et tu, nj?" --- F: an072@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Richard White) S: Rictus Hep's Fighting Ships. D: 17 Jul 92 03:56:57 GMT U.S.S. Finch (AM-9) Minesweeper length: 187 feet beam: 35 feet draft: 9 feet 9 inches Launched March 30, 1918 at Standard Shipbuilding Corp., N.Y. Sponsor: Mrs. Frederic G. Peabody Sunk by enemy air attacks. Corregidor, April 16, 1942 rp -- the most serious research I've done in 5 months. --- F: an072@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Richard White) S: The big secret is out now. D: 17 Jul 92 03:59:33 GMT Rictus Hep is the BIFF of the nineties. --- F: jra@lawday.DaytonOH.NCR.COM (John R. Ackermann x2966) S: Rictus Hep and the Great White Whale D: 16 Jul 92 13:22:29 GMT "Call me Rictus." --- F: jra@lawday.DaytonOH.NCR.COM (John R. Ackermann x2966) S: Rictus Hep Joins the Cultural Elite D: 16 Jul 92 17:57:01 GMT "Senator, I knew Rictus Hep. Rictus Hep was a friend of mine. And, Senator, you're no Rictus Hep." --- F: zed@silver.lcs.mit.edu (Zed) S: Rictus Hep goes jogging D: 17 Jul 92 14:20:07 GMT He wears his WalkVictrola. --- F: jra@lawday.DaytonOH.NCR.COM (John R. Ackermann x2966) S: Rictus Hep on Loquaciousness D: 16 Jul 92 20:56:20 GMT " People yackety-yack a streak And waste your time of day, But Rictus Hep will never speak Unless he has something to say. " --- F: benth@microsoft.com (Ben) S: When Rictus Hep signs his name... D: 17 Jul 92 16:59:23 GMT ....he dots the i with a little heart. --- F: benth@microsoft.com (Ben) S: When Rictus Hep posts to t.b... D: 17 Jul 92 17:07:50 GMT ....he looks at his article before he posts it, making sure that everything is spelled correctly, and that the content will be entertaining, original, and a joy to read. He carefully corrects any errors in spelling and grammar before posting. We should all be more like Rictus Hep. --- F: drumm@crs.cl.msu.edu (drumm) S: Rictus Hep does jingles D: 18 Jul 92 00:04:35 GMT I'm a Heppie, he's a Heppie, wouldn't you like to be a Heppie too? drumm...jumping on the Heppie bandwagon --- F: jra@lawday.DaytonOH.NCR.COM (John R. Ackermann x2966) S: Rictus Hep's 15 minutes of fame D: 17 Jul 92 13:01:37 GMT He is the subject of a _Morning_Edition_ piece entitled " 'Everyman' of the Internet." --- F: jarobichaux@miavx3.mid.muohio.edu (That one girl) S: Rictus Hep lacks MTV savvy D: 18 Jul 92 11:38:28 GMT "Ha! Janet Jackson just turned _completely_ the wrong way!" --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep after reading Time/Life's Mysteries of the Unknown D: 18 Jul 92 18:17:40 GMT "Yogi Bear? Yogi Berra??!! Coincidence!!?? Chyeah, right." --- F: saj@phx.mcd.mot.com (Steve James) S: Rictus Hep wrongly assumes D: 18 Jul 92 18:36:54 GMT that most bowling alleys have at least some no-smoking lanes. --- F: saj@phx.mcd.mot.com (Steve James) S: Rictus Hep D: 18 Jul 92 19:01:25 GMT doesn't worry about cancer, since he eats plenty of yams. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep's big disappointment D: 19 Jul 92 02:24:10 GMT He goes to every Pier 1 Imports in the city but nowhere does he find a decent Wicker Man. --- F: klein@kira.egr.msu.edu (Jeffrey Klein) S: This is Ground Control to Rictus Hep, You've Really Made the Grade, and the Papers Want to Know Whose Shirts You Wear D: 19 Jul 92 04:55:23 GMT "My own." --- F: an072@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Richard White) S: Rictus Hep goes to AA. D: 19 Jul 92 15:57:45 GMT Hi, I'm Rictus and I'm an alcoholic. rp -- waiting for someone to follow up with a "Hi Rictus." --- F: an072@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Richard White) S: Rictus Hep recalls a youthful indiscretion. D: 19 Jul 92 15:59:34 GMT Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn? --- F: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey) S: Re: hizaku D: 19 Jul 92 22:26:59 GMT fj05+@andrew.cmu.edu (Faisal Nameer Jawdat) writes: : we're here at pittsburgh's prestigious carnegie mellon university where we're : secretly replacing usenet with dark sparkling folger's crystals : lets see if the nsf can tell the difference "That's funny--Rictus >never< makes a second post at home..." --- F: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk S: Rictus Hep is dead D: 19 Jul 92 17:17:57 GMT " " --- F: matmcinn@nuscc.nus.sg (Mcinnes B T (Dr)) S: Mario Cuomo on Rictus Hep D: 20 Jul 92 01:29:01 GMT "If Rictus Hep were not Mongolian, he would be Mayor of Hymietown by now." --- F: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka) S: Rictus Hep speaks to Webster D: 21 Jul 92 22:18:29 GMT "Maya = familiar feminine form of Mao." --- F: boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell) S: Rictus Hep takes a Shower D: 21 Jul 92 22:05:00 GMT "Beauty school dropouts..." --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) S: Rictus Hep buys a handgun. D: 21 Jul 92 20:03:25 GMT But he cannot make up his mind between Colt and Beretta. --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) S: Rictus Hep confused. D: 22 Jul 92 02:13:16 GMT He thought the NT in Windows NT stood for New Testament. --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) S: Rictus Hep starts his greatest novel. D: 22 Jul 92 17:48:45 GMT It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents -- except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. --- F: drseuss@gorn.echo.com (David Bedno) S: Rictus Hep's family tree D: 21 Jul 92 07:36:23 GMT He's the bastard son of "Confusion to your enemies." and "Have a nice day.". --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep cooks with Gatorade and crushed Velamints D: 24 Jul 92 00:58:48 GMT "Good roue." "Electrolytes." --- F: thinman@netcom.com (Technically Sweet) S: Rictus Hep: Trekkie D: 24 Jul 92 19:27:52 GMT "They should have killed her with pepper". --- F: jarobichaux@miavx3.mid.muohio.edu (That one girl) S: Rictus Hep, homophobe D: 25 Jul 92 08:34:47 GMT "Was Edmund Spenser a pansy?" --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep butters a scone D: 25 Jul 92 18:26:59 GMT "Melty." --- F: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) S: Rictus Hep Confused D: 28 Jul 92 12:48:22 GMT He thinks alt.politics.bush is a women's rights newsgroup. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Re: Homophobia D: 29 Jul 92 04:12:45 GMT [Rictus Hep doesn't worry about semantics because semantics worries about him.] --- F: jarobichaux@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu (That one girl) S: Rictus Hep fought the law and the...law won. D: 29 Jul 92 16:52:09 GMT ....so he had his girlfriend sew a high-carbon steel hacksaw blade into the sole of one of his atheletic socks. --- F: nj@magnolia.Berkeley.EDU (Narciso Jaramillo) S: Re: Homophobia D: 29 Jul 92 14:49:38 GMT [Rictus Hep believes in several billion gods--at least one per customer.] --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep gets kicked off Wheel of fortune, sues Merv... D: 29 Jul 92 14:06:23 GMT He throws a fit when Pat won't let him buy a "sometimes y". --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep asks the question D: 29 Jul 92 14:08:27 GMT I understand this is something that a biographer should *know*, but which one of you is Kross? --- F: larryh@cabezon.uucp (Larry Huntley) S: Rictus Hep Drives A Truck D: 29 Jul 92 22:48:23 GMT ....and misses the runaway truck ramp. Damn. --- F: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) S: Rictus Hep considers "The Real World [tm]" D: 30 Jul 92 21:46:54 GMT He speculates that such a thing exists because there have been intervals when he was not logged in to his terminal. --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano) S: Rictus hep, gastronome D: 31 Jul 92 00:04:37 GMT "...Chateau Rhone '67, salad with vinagrette, steak tartare, and, oh yeah, can i have fries with that?" --- F: sfm1@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (SCOTT F. MASTROIANNI) S: Rictus Hep Fails His Escape D: 31 Jul 92 01:48:30 GMT Rictus doesn't specify that the hacksaw blade sawn into his sock should be bi-metal and fails to cut through even a single bar. --- F: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka) S: Rictus Hep speaks to Lord Snooty... D: 31 Jul 92 04:18:10 GMT ...."Prominent men have prominent noses." --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: Rictus Hep's big boner D: 31 Jul 92 06:31:20 GMT Against all advice, he posts to talk.rape with the subject line "Boys will be boys". --- F: saltgirl@acca.nmsu.edu (Saltgirl) S: Rictus Hep: Culinary adventurer Summary: with a milkshake and McDonaldland cookie D: 31 Jul 92 15:26:00 GMT "Uh...sure. I'll try the new McHaggis." --- F: zed@silver.lcs.mit.edu S: Rictus Hep dreams the impossible dream D: 31 Jul 92 17:22:25 GMT He tilts at hydroelectric plants. --- F: zed@silver.lcs.mit.edu S: Rictus Hep believes in employee empowerment D: 31 Jul 92 17:27:19 GMT He asks his boss for X-ray vision. --- F: zed@silver.lcs.mit.edu S: Rictus Hep's superstition D: 31 Jul 92 17:30:41 GMT When he spills his seed, he throws some over his shoulder. --- F: zed@silver.lcs.mit.edu S: Rictus Hep makes up his mind Summary: shit, I hope I'm not just remembering this one D: 31 Jul 92 17:33:32 GMT He shorts the sheets. --- F: zed@silver.lcs.mit.edu S: Rictus Hep pens a bestseller D: 31 Jul 92 17:37:43 GMT _Surreal Men Don't Extirpate Quinine_ --- F: cheating@ccvm.sunysb.edu (cue queue) S: Rictus Hep's matter of pride: He won't settle for 2nd best. D: 31 Jul 92 17:53:16 GMT He refuses the $10,000,000 Publisher's Clearinghouse Grand Prize when he learns that someone else actually had the winning number but failed to return the order form on time. --- F: richh@netcom.com (richh) S: I Rictus Hep, I Rictus Hep Keywords: Don't say it, BC D: 31 Jul 92 18:07:39 GMT Bette, I think I got something here. --- F: tomf@ai.bunny.gte.com (Tom Fawcett) S: Re: Request for Rictus Hep D: 1 Aug 92 18:40:26 GMT Larry, Your posting brought back a quote that passes through my mind quite often, usually when my thumb is caressing a razor blade in my pocket while walking through one of the less well-guarded sections of the Museum of Fine Arts. And that quote is: "Art is not eternal" -- Ken Kesey The point being: Rictus Hep comes, goes, and moves on. By importuning talk.bizarre with your bleating requests to send you old copies, you demean us all -- the readers of talk.bizarre, Rictus Hep, and the four co-founders of the Internet. Not that I mind. Now go model some logic. --- F: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano) S: Rictus hep, gastronome ii D: 2 Aug 92 04:21:01 GMT "I'll have the Peking Chicken, no wait, the Beijing Chicken, no, I mean the Beideling Chicken..." --- -- Kent, the man much too far from xanth. Kent Paul Dolan, C.S.C. contractor to Fleet Numerical Oceanography Center, Monterey, California. Making the world safe for tropical cyclones. "R"eply in email or news fails frequently due to mail map problems; try: xanthian@well.sf.ca.us dolan@nrlmry.navy.mil uunet!noarlw!xenon!dolan ^-----Preferred-----^ Any opinions among all those valuable free facts above are mine alone. I only see replies via email, until this site acquires news in 1993. (Well, except for my minor "news by email" abuses of the net.) 5150