Return-Path: jgm Return-Path: Received: from tahoe.cs.brown.edu by cs.brown.edu (5.64+/Doorknob-1.6) id AA11416; Thu, 24 Jun 93 06:00:06 -0400 Received: by tahoe.cs.brown.edu (5.64+/BrownCS-1.2) id AA12523; Thu, 24 Jun 93 06:00:04 -0400 Date: Thu, 24 Jun 93 06:00:04 -0400 From: jgm (Jonathan Monsarrat) Message-Id: <9306241000.AA12523@tahoe.cs.brown.edu> To: jgm@cs.brown.edu Subject: Yet another Quotation Subject: Married With Children: Songs & Quotes From: glazier@isr.harvard.edu (Andrew Baker Glazier) Date: Tue, 12 Jan 93 22:25:36 GMT Organization: Harvard University, Cambridge, MA Songs ----- "At the Nudie bar" ------------------ at the nudie bar where you can look at a thigh and blacken an eye at the nudie bar at the nudie bar where they show you their butt and they keep their trap shut at the nudie bar at the nudie bar where you can't touch a breast but you can cave in a chest, at the nudie bar at the nudie bar Where the music stinks, and they water the drinks. The nudie bar at the nudie bar Where the beer gives you gas But the Bundy's KICK ASS. the nudie bar Al's " I Care " song -------------------- When hooters giggle around and I find nickels on the ground I care When the Mustang engine purrs and the bathroom's not hers I care When the pitcher's on the mound and the wife is underground I care. But when I've been playing this for days I'll kill anyone who stays I swear! Quotes ------ Bud turns 18 ------------ Al: "Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy 'til she becomes your wife" Peg vs Jim Jupiter ------------------ Jim: " Hi, I'm the healthiest man in Chicago: Al: "Then you should heal quick when I pull your spine through your mouth" The Bundy's Get a New Kid ------------------------- < Peg's cousins left > Al: " You let them go. That has to be the stupidest move in history...Well, the second, the first was when I answered the phone the day after we had sex." Al becomes a bartender ---------------------- Seven: " Dad, where do babies come from?" Al: " Normally, a 6-pack and 2 horny teenagers" Seven: " Dad, what's retirement?" Al: " It's when a woman marries and a man dies" Kelly: " Doctor? Mom never took us to a doctor. I rememeber I had a 109 degree fever and all she did was bleach my hair." Bud: " Well, you know what she says 'Bleach a cold, raise a beaver'" Kelly: "Help us" Marcie: "I can't. I'm a Republican." Peg: "Is that money in your pants, Al, or are you just...well, let's face it, we both know it's money." Kelly says NO ------------- Al: "Is it our anniversary again!" Peg: "No" Al: "Then why are you touching me?" Peg: "I'm tired of touching myself" Al: "I don't blame you" Peg: "We had plenty to talk about when we first met" Al: "Well, Peg, that was before I got to know you. There was alot of things I had to find out. Stuff like: how far she'd go on a 6-pack, would it be fun for you to watch me and your friend Joan, and did she actually see Deep Throat" Peg: "Yea, and there was that thing I kept wondering: how could a man with such buig shoes have such a teeny,weeny, tiny, little... Al: "Peg!" Marcie: "Honey, tell everyone how that article on temporary male impotance has given you the courage to try, try again. You should see him. He's so cute going: I think I can, I think I can" Jefferson: "That's after four times of making her shake like a California quake" Marcie: "And like Los Angelas, I'm still waiting for the Big One" Peg: "I'd settle foran after-shock...You should see Al...Oh snoogums, it's kinda cute, though. It's like Groundhog's Day. Peeking out of it's hole, seeing its shadow, getting scared and running away. Al: "It's now its shadow that it's scared of" Peg: "It's cute as the dickens, though. Al: "Well, not as cute as my little Bermuda Triangle" Peg Buys Tubro -------------- Peg: " I need something lucky to rub: Bud: " How about Kelly? Every guy that rubs her gets lucky" Peg: " What's up with men who have to look at other women when they have us at home?" Al: " Well, sometimes when you drive a Dodge you want to close your eyes and dream it's a Ferrari. Al Tries to Remember a Song --------------------------- Al: "What a life ... can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the bury the wife in the back yard." Bud Dates Teacher ----------------- < Ding Dong > Bud: " A half-hour early. I know how she feels, sometimes I can't wait to touch myself either...Er, you know what I mean" Peg: " I'm afraid we do" Al Buys Air Conditioner ----------------------- < Peg cranks air conditioner > Al: " Gentle, Peg, you're not having sex with it" Peg: " We'll know for sure if it quits after a minute, rolls over and then asks whats on TV.... Well, it might be, I don't feel a thing." The Bundy's go to the Beach --------------------------- Peg: " Al, take a picture of me to remember when I was beautiful." Al: "You're gonna get worse !?" A Peeping-Tom is loose ---------------------- Peg: "Let's go downstairs. You can put some dirty laundry on the ping-pong table and disappoint me like only you can. < Al locks her in the basment > Peg: "When I get out, we're gonna do it twice...that means a full minute." Al builds a bathroom -------------------- Al: "We all have to live with our disappointments...I have to sleep with mine." Peg: "Is that what you call it?" Al: "A woman riuns a bathroom: Nylons hanging from the shower, a tube of Nair where the toothpaste should be, a bottle of vinegar lying around...What are they doing in there? Making a salad? Peg: "How was it, Al? Was it everything you dreamed? Al: "I don't know. I'm constipated. I wonder if Dad had this problem?" Peg: "Do you want me to undercook you some chicken?" Al: "Na, I need something stronger." Unclassified --- which shows are these from ? ------------ Al: " Nothing spells lovin' like marrying your cousin." -- ================================================================= Bob Pack rlpst@cislabs.pitt.edu University of Pittsburgh Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania -- "A horse! A horse! Somebody give me a horse, man, because|glazier@ I come to bury this dirtball, not to praise him. Whaddya |harvard.isr.edu think I am? Whether it's nobler for the mind to make people suffer with all these totally outrageous arrows arrows for a fortune, or what!" -- D.R. >From hdavies@rx.xerox.com Tue Jan 12 22:01:45 1993